A recent review of the research concluded: “The large majority of reported associations between digital media use and trust appear to be detrimental for democracy.” Those associations are likely to get stronger as AI-enhanced social media becomes more widely available. Social Psychologist Jonathan Haidt, former Alphabet CEO Eric Schmidt, The Atlantic
One of the only things growing faster than our burgeoning federal budget deficit is our loss of trust and the relationship deficit it feeds. Into our existential relationship unraveling – at home, work, in politics and faith – now enters Artificial Intelligence. The break-through capabilities of AI are dazzling. A recent example:
I was preparing to lead a retreat for a denominational leadership group when I got an email asking for a brief description of the session. I wondered: How might ChatGPT – an AI chatbot with conversational capabilities – describe such a session? So, I queried it: Write 100-200 word workshop description for presbytery leaders on relationships. I was blown away with the response that poured onto my screen five seconds later. It referenced the relational nature of their work, who they work with, the specific content of the session – like handling conflict – and the types of learning activities like role-play. And, by the end of the session what participants would leave with – a toolkit of practical skills and strategies. I could have sent it without making a single change.
It was brilliant, frighteningly brilliant. It is this very brilliance that brings up a plethora of doomsday risks that has been much discussed: use of AI to wage war, cyber-attacks, ruthless oppression by AI-enabled rulers, false conspiracy-based words and images that harm democracy. Yet, one of the most predictable AI risks – gets less coverage and sounds less catastrophic – is the risk to our already frayed relationships. While this new intelligence may be ‘artificial,’ the associated relationship risk is real. Yet, there is hope – and as I will discuss – it is us.
In my 2013 Huffington Post article, “In Big Data We Hope and Distrust,” I warned that Big Data and its attendant technologies are changing the social and relationship fabric of our culture. My 20 years as CEO of a CRM (customer relationship management) company with powerful customer analytics gave me some insight into to what was possible. Ten years later, when Elon Musk, Geoffrey Hinton (Google’s ‘Godfather of AI’), and 19 current/former leaders of the Association for the Advancement of Artificial Intelligence go on record warning of the risks of AI, we should pay attention. Artificial Intelligence makes Big Data look like child’s play.
We rightfully worry about the risk of AI getting into the hands of the bad guys. Just as daunting is what if it remains in the hands of us – the good guys. The evidence is convincing that just as we have allowed current and previous generations of technology to erode our relationships, AI will only erode them further.
Just last week in the Surgeon General’s Advisory on Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation he warned that Americans are more lonely and socially isolated than ever before: The physical health consequences of poor or insufficient relational connection include a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults. Additionally, lacking social connection increases risk of premature death by more than 60%.
For our teens the trends are even more pronounced. Jonathan Haidt shares from a Collaborative Review on the dramatic rise of mental health issues among U.S. teens starting in 2010 – when the first generation of teens started having access to smart phones:
- Major depression increased: teen boys 161%, teen girls 145%, 2010-2020
- Under graduates diagnosed with anxiety up 134%, 2010-2018
- Non-fatal self-harm hospital admits, ages 10-14: girls up 188%, boys up 48%, 2010-2020
The data points not to just correlation, but to a causal relationship between the rise in the use of technology and the steep increase in mental health issues. Certainly, our recent Covid pandemic, which gave us first-hand insights to the impact of isolation, has played a role, but these trends were ramping up long before Covid.
Personal computers, smartphones, the internet, social media, gaming, cable news, podcasts, Google searches, work-from-home – all have come to dominate over the last several decades and all have one thing in common: We increasingly get our information from and interact through machines, not from direct contact with people.
In a huge shift, we have downgraded the bulk of our personal interactions to electronic transactions. Too often we have traded in our messy, time-consuming, risky relationships as a source of information and interaction for the efficient, convenient, risk-averse alternative of machines. We are richer in information and convenience but emotionally and relationally poorer.
The role of technology in restructuring how we interact continues to expand, and we are overwhelmed trying to keep up; information develops rapidly, competence develops slowly. Information and technology enable an illusion of individual self-sufficiency and control that in reality can leave us relationally hollowed and weakened. AI will turbocharge that dismal trend.
Up until now, the technology explosion has created the need for many more information technology workers, e.g., programmers, data scientists, IT specialists. But that is rapidly changing. Just like industrial machines and computers reduced the need for manual labor and clerical workers respectively, AI will greatly reduce the need for workers of many kinds but especially for professionals and the college-educated.
Just last week IBM CEO Arvind Krishna announced a pause in hiring for roles AI could replace in back-office functions such as HR. He said he could easily see 30% of those roles replaced by AI and automation over a five-year period, ultimately resulting in the loss of 7,800 jobs at IBM. The replacement of lawyers, engineers, accountants, consultants and financial analysts by AI will structurally change the job market and work relationship for millions. Just as closing manufacturing plants depleted communities in factory towns, we are beginning to see these kinds of impacts in places like Silicon Valley. These big structural changes are projected to cost jobs, wage growth and hope, which devastate individual and community relationships, and contribute to depression, drug addiction, divorce, loneliness.
AI: Losing the Relational Story
Yuval Harari, the author of Sapiens contends that the reason humans are at the top of the food chain is our capability to cooperate and collaborate in large numbers to create big breakthroughs: build airplanes, ships, computers, life-saving medicines and treatments, internet, huge buildings. Other beings have not. So, what enabled thousands or even millions of people to work cooperatively? Harari concludes that shared beliefs augmented by common stories around things like religion, government, laws are key. These beliefs and stories are most powerful when shared directly and relationally – from someone we trust.
Compare relational information-sharing to that to being informed by a machine. While the machine may provide great information, the relational exchange is limited. Care, concern, influence, laughter, joy – these are shared human qualities exchanged when we rub-off-on-each-other that are missing from machines. In a world of unmatched capability to communicate, to be informed, to get answers – we are literally dying of loneliness. Our brain is fed but our soul, our spirit, our relationships are starved.
I once saw a clip of Oprah interviewing two young women who were lamenting about dating in today’s digital world. They were able to gather so much information prior to going out that once they actually met face-to-face there was little to discuss, so the pressure was to simply have sex as the only remaining human thing to do. We have lost sight of the importance of the gathering of information as relationship-building that cultivates bonds, trust and may at times signal warnings. When we skip that step, we miss their story!
As a society, we seem to have lost the story that connects us. Mass shootings, gridlocked government, toxic social media exchanges – all point to something artificial that has hijacked the shared humanity in our relationships. And, more “intelligence,” no matter how miraculous – will not counter that.
How We Are to Hope – and Act?
Haidt provides five specific government policy recommendations to limit the adverse effects of AI. They need attention immediately and could really make a difference.
But what about each of us? What is our story, the one we will tell ourselves, our family, our friends, our co-workers? When automation reduced the need for physical labor over the last century, we soon discovered that the accompanying loss of exercise was not good for us – physically or mentally. The physical fitness movement represented a new level of intention to fill that void. Today we are seeing signs of a movement – a relational fitness movement.
A number of people are imposing limits on the time they spend on the grid. Take that to the next level, and set goals for the number of intentional face-to-face interactions you will have each week. Structure one-on-one or small group interactions – book clubs, social lunches, work lunches, colleague coffees – as part of your weekly routine. Identify a group of people – family, friends, colleagues, church groups, mentors, mentees, neighbors – you will meet with once a month and then set up a different group for quarterly or semi-annual meet-ups.
Get involved in placed-based organizations like local churches who provide opportunities for relationship-building at the community level. Or, sign-up with someone like Community Renewal International based out of Shreveport, Louisiana (full disclosure, I serve on their Advisory Board) that uses a volunteer-based approach to building neighbor-relationships block-by-block. They are engaged in neighborhoods from Shawnee Oklahoma to Washington D.C. and have been particularly consequential in high-crime, low-income communities.
Move outside and into nature, away from screens, machines, and AI. Frequent places that bring positive, relational energy.
Many people have jobs where AI will, if the projections are accurate, eliminate or change their work dramatically. Historically, projections of the impact of new breakthroughs are wildly inaccurate. Thomas Watson, IBM President, said in 1943, “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” So now is not the time to panic, but it is time to think about how your unique skills and interests might best be applied in this new world.
I close with this. As I was drafting this essay, a lone gunman killed eight people in a mass killing on a Saturday in Allen, Texas – about 15 miles from my house. The next day at church, my pastor, Andy Odom shared these words:
I need to say a few words about the shooting that happened last night in Allen. Like me, some of you may know someone who went through that horrible experience. You may be hurting today, or bitter, or angry, or confused. You’ve come to the right place. I’ve always believed that, when someone’s heart is broken, the best place to go is the church.
In a minute, during our opening prayer, we will have a moment of silence for the lives lost yesterday. And here’s the thing about prayer. Until the prayers we speak affect a change in how we personally live our lives, the prayer is not finished. If we pray for peace, then we work for peace. If we pray for less violence, then we must be willing to sacrifice some part of how we live toward that end. If we pray for more love, then we must be more loving. And we keep praying until that change happens in us.
What is true about prayer is also true about hope – hope that prepares us for the disruptive relationship road ahead. Let me paraphrase Andy: If we hope for stronger relationship, then we must be willing to sacrifice some part of how we live toward that end – and we keep hoping until that change happens in us. When it happens in enough of us, it becomes a movement.